Enough!

You may have noticed I’ve had an insane amount of posts up in the last week or two. This is because Karyn, my partner in crime, has been back on the mainland and I have been left here to my own devices. Which means that I have been reading and writing. A lot.

Perhaps a bit too much. My brain tends to want to work and work forever, and when it gets enough space to really hash things out (like I’ve had in the last week) it generally produces some interesting stuff. I am very happy with all the work I’ve done since Karyn’s been gone.

But a few days ago, after having spent about five or six hours in the morning working, I realized that I wasn’t necessarily having fun anymore. I didn’t feel good, per se, or comfortable. Not that I was having writer’s block or anything. In fact, there is far, far more that I wanted to write while Karyn was gone, but just haven’t been able to get to.

So when I had this realization, I decided, “okay, I’m going to stop and watch a funny TV show now and relax.” Something in the back of my mind told me, “no, don’t do it, keep working!” But I ignored that voice, and as soon as I laid back on the bed and watched a mindless comedy show, I felt much, much better. Relaxed.

I’m glad to have the mad and powerful intellect I do, but I need to remember that, just like anxiety, my intellect can also take over control of my life. In fact, I think my propensity to think and think to the extreme is probably, in part, what drives my anxiety. And if there’s anything I’ve learned through meditation, it’s that the intellect doesn’t have all the answers. As counter intuitive as it might seem, sometimes the best thing to do to make your mind smarter and more creative is to just veg out, watch TV.

Karyn reminded me the other day, when I asked her to bring back her copy of Birth of Tragedy, not to read too much Nietzsche too fast. Nietzsche was brilliant, BUT he was also tormented and went crazy. And there’s a reason for that. Spend too long in his world and you might see that reason. Furthermore, his writing is not meant to be swallowed in gulps. It ought to be savored and appreciated. It needs time to digest (Nietzsche, whose own digestive system was in shambles, would certainly agree here).

Karyn gets back tomorrow, and with her will come a deceleration in my posting. But don’t be worried! And I mean that as a warning both to myself and my readers. There is still much going on in my head. I just need to be careful with it and let it come about naturally, without destroying myself in the process.